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Mansperts: Got Girlfriends?

Posted by on November 14, 2011

In this first installment of “Mansperts“, two sides of the “evolutionary scale” each provide answers and enlightenment on a select topic submitted to them at mansperts@oneheadlightink.com.

Our guest writers, one self described “Cromagnon” and the other a generally accepted “Robot”, tackle your age old and brand new most confounding quandaries about man and womankind…

Today get your dish on “girls without girlfriends” from men without boundaries.

Ah yes, the ol’ “my chick doesn’t get along with other chicks” quandary. The first thing that pops to mind when I’m confronted with this type of situation is this: DRAMA. The worst part of it for us guys is the fact that we’ll never have a normal relationship with said female’s significant other ever again. What if I actually enjoy hanging out and doing things with the girl you don’t like’s man? Now, I’m screwed if I want to play poker with the guys, or go to a barbecue that involves the whole group of friends, go bowling with the group, go hear a band and have drinks with the group, etc.,…and just because YOU refuse to get along with so-and-so’s wife (or wives). I understand that this is a common thread with a lot of women. Girls generally don’t like other girls. Is it because you think us guys are checking out the other girls? We married YOU. We chose YOU. We’re good with the decision usually. Let it go for God’s sakes.

Another problem with this “girls who don’t like other girls” conundrum: now, as your guy, we become your entertainment chairperson. It’s up to us to keep you occupied and engaged when it’s the off hours. That’s a HUGE order most of the time. Give us a break. We actually want you to have other friends, we want you to go out and have “girls nights”. We want you to have things to do with other people besides us. Not always, but a third of the time would be a bonus. I, personally, don’t even care if you have guy friends. If you’re going to end up cheating on me with that guy, then BONUS….I get a freebie too and you can’t hold it against me either. You and I both know neither of us wants a divorce in this economy. Relax already. Put the claws away when other women appear. Guys don’t roll like that, and if they do, they resolve the problem right then and there. No fuss, no muss. – “Cromagnon Man”

Women are like magnets. To men, they can be the most attractive objects on the planet…or the most repulsive. Rarely neutral, her moods can charge the room with positive energy or negate good vibes in short order. Like many naturally occurring magnetic fields, her polarity is powerful, chaotic, volatile, and can flip on a dime.

Things get really interesting when magnets are brought together. When polarities are aligned, many magnets can be strung together, in a very orderly fashion, to form a powerful collective. In fact, when this orientation is “just right”, the field strength is enhanced with each additional magnet added to the series. But, for all the resonance brought about with these “ideal” orientations, more often than not, magnets have many more counter-productive orientations. Even with a duet, there are far more ways for two magnets to repulse one another than to attract.

Without a proper ground, an electromagnetic field can spend an eternity without ever being noticed. Ladies, ditch your fellow magnets and go out and get yourself a good grounding rod (I know…easier said than done). – “Iso”

Send your questions & quandaries to Cromagnon Man and Iso at mansperts@oneheadlightink.com

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Comments (3)

  • Girls sans Girlfriends;

    For the less cultured, and for the more intoxicated, “sans” is a French preposition for the word without. As I perused Oneheadlightink’s challenge between the caveman and the robot, I thought to myself…………’Indeed, these are answers given by men.’

    As I pondered this newest installation of One’s amazing website, I looked at my husband, who is a rare combination of robot and caveman and then I looked at my vagina. It may have been the alcohol and prescription medication taking hold, however, it was as though I was looking into a crystal ball. For the record, my vagina is NOT made of crystal, as it would have s h a tt e red after giving birth to three wonderful children, but it IS made of gold. And, we all know, gold, or “Oro” (the Spanish noun for gold) is ductile as well as malleable, allowing my precious metal to be deformed via tensile and compressive stress, without being fractured. Don’t even talk to me about stitches.

    So, let’s get off of my vagina and onto the subject of girls/women without girlfriends/womenfriends. I personally do not have/need many women friends. I also do not need a husband. My husband is not my entertainment chairperson. My wine is, as is my collection of books. I am of a rare breed of woman that is not threatened by other women, or my friends, or of strangers, because A)I had a boob job, B)I feel that there will always be another woman that is more attractive(or repulsive), more intelligent(probably not), more frugal(nope), a lower BMI(eat a sandwich you skinny bitch), more fun to be around(I was too, until I had the responsibility of children, mortgages, owning a business and major hormone changes) and C)I trust no one, but I trust I will be alright no matter what happens. As long as there are 24 hour drive thru pharmacies.

    I rather enjoy being around women for short periods of time. I have a handful of very close friends, all of whom my husband would have sex with if I died. After the funeral. I unintentionally choose strong women that I secretly want to sleep with. I don’t want some ‘do I look fat? Why hasn’t he called? I can’t get a promotion at work. I can’t believe I’m getting another divorce. Can you believe he didn’t pay child support, eventhough the kids live with him 90% of the time? Can you loan me $300, my cell phone is going to get shut off, I bought those Spanx and that Hermes handbag. Do I look fat?’ If I, as a woman doesn’t want to hear that, why would a man?

    After my first divorce, I had some slutty little happy hour friends, and some acquaintances with low morals and lower credit scores, and we had fun, drinking and driving, sleeping in jail cells and eating crappy IHOP at 4am and puking in the parking lot after the 9th Jaeger bomb kicked in. But, eventually, they were all about drama and didn’t understand that abortion really isn’t a form of birth control.

    So, I am going to have to side a little more with the Caveman, but still in total agreement with Iso. I have seen and have been the woman that turns into a magnet that attracts nothing but trouble and that flips her shit. Then the anti-depressants, anxiolytics and thyroid meds changed everything. I do ask Iso, are you insinuating that men are the only ones capable of being properly grounded?

    Tig Ol’ Bitties

  • Regarding female claw behavior, I have taught for over 30 years, and when I was doing “time” in 5th grade, it was a daily occurrence …. girls whining and cat fighting with other girls. We as a staff noticed it begins around 4th grade. Here is a pdf with info on what is termed as relational aggression. http://media.wiley.com/product_data/excerpt/57/04701687/0470168757.pdf So you can peruse it. It should give you -all insight to this phenomenon .
    As far as many of us not wanting men to carouse out without us, is a matter of trust, which I believe, is a feeling that evolves from open communication. If a man is good about calling and letting his woman know where he is, it builds trust and confidence, the woman relaxes, because she gets the courtesy of phone call, CONSISTENTLY. But when you get bullshit excuses, like “Uh, my phone died” (what happened to your friends’ phones?), or “I was helping a sick friend” (your friend doesn’t have a phone?), then the spark of doubt and suspicion is fanned into a flame, and then into a engulfing luminaria unlikely to be doused by any sprinkle from the hose that is lip service. It doesn’t fly. It doesn’t jell. It doesn’t make sense. Women are highly analytical AND intuitive, and we see when 2 and 2 don’t add up to 5. So if men and women keep the lines of communication open, be it a simple call or text, the tendency to distrust is lessened, because the enigma and anxiety provoking uncertainty is gone. By bathing the relationship in light, there IS no darkness. Be open, and do it with love, and without resentment. Sunshine begets flowers, darkness only inhibits their growth. ;-)

  • Ha. Oh damn. Well first off, my name would be ‘ALPHA’. Second… I agree with bits and pieces in both commentaries. Iso’s ‘grounding rod’ comment had me rolling! I’ve witnessed time and time again that women don’t like other women, not because they think us men in their lives will somehow become unsuspecting penis putty in the hands of any pretty girl with a pulse but more so because you ladies are just plain damn competitive. Not to mention, critical and jealous. Yeah, I said it… you broads have an extra jealousy bone in your body that us guys just don’t have. Us fellas compete in sports, get out our aggression and/or frustrations on the football field, baseball diamonds or basketball courts to name a few… and if we’re really lucky, in the bedroom.

    When another good looking guy walks into a room, we don’t stare them down with the, ‘I’ll cut a bitch’ look sit back in shock about how their shoes don’t match their belt or their ass looks big in those slacks or that they look like a damn slut with that haircut. We pay no mind, pay no attention. Women on the other hand (most, of course, not ALL) become threatened much more easily.

    All this being said, if you were to take a look at a strong friendship between two women who were able to get past the jealousy and petty competition, you’d see that it’s an incredible bond. Women create and maintain friendships that are based on multiple levels… it’s not as ‘on the surface’ as most friendships between two men can be.

    Remember the catchphrase, ‘don’t hate me because I’m beautiful’? …it’s not just an outdated (albeit, still sexy as hell) 80’s Pantene shampoo commercial http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hz8ul-gmLyA or the catchy lyrics of a more recent Keri Hilson song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtXOVKNazYU (and again, all sexy as hell! Ha).

    To each their own…

    -Alpha

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