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Glass Soapbox: World Day Day Edition

Posted by on June 16, 2010 | 6 comments

World Refugee Day and Father’s Day are one in the same day – Coincidence? I think not. A stupid little blogette, namely ME is going to initiate the first annual zip your pants and close your legs day (ZPCL)!

It will be sometime in November as the highest U.S. birth rates are recorded in July and August translating to most impregnations occurring in and around November (Sarah Palin may wish to celebrate in March when her teenage daughter became pregnant).

Bristol Palin is doing her part to contribute to ZPCL day by introducing an iPhone app. of a baby crying non-stop for 30 seconds.

Philanthropists of the millenium, Bill and Melinda Gates need to take a sit down with me and parooz the preliminary chapters of my forthcoming book entitled, “Why it’s Easier to Make a Baby Than to Buy a Bag of Doritos”. These impassioned dogooders are spending BILLIONS vaccinating the impoverished all over the globe.

I’s here to tell ‘em, that the most powerful vaccine and the most effective of the three components of World Peace is BIRTH CONTROL. This quote from the lovely Melinda grates on every neuron of sensibility.

“a woman I met in Tanzania…walked six hours…she was 20 years old…she had 4 children at home…on the verge of delivering her [ANOTHER] baby…we see it time and time again.” – Melinda Gates

What to the F in H is that!?!?!? I hope Ange-jo would approve of my World Refugee Day sentiments as I too preach that all human rights should be protected and not be forgotten – especially that most basic human right to have control over one’s own body.

Yes, please do not forget those suffering to the extent of how much harder it is to care for two (three, four and FIVE) starving mouths above your own – think of all the earthquake babies, the tsunami babies, hurricane babies, because from all these world catastrophes to right next door (to Russia) it truly remains “Easier to Make a Baby Than to Buy a Bag of Doritos”.

So while ~we fund water, refuge and vaccinations can we please put a think on personal health and sexual education!??!?!?

Links: MSNBC, The UN Refugee Agency, Planned Parenthood

TSA: Know Your Boobies et al

Posted by on March 11, 2010 | Comments Off

You know that feeling when someone tells you your life is not in the eminent danger you believed it to be in for a length of time that felt like an eternity…

Nothing sets your priorities straight like looking down the barrel of a scary diagnosis. But whatever the stage a diagnosis may be, it is nothing to run from. Life is precious and yes, we can never truly know when our number is up – but if YOU CAN get screened and get treatment, even if you have to wrap things up you owe it to you and yours to know where you stand.

Prioritize: What’s more important getting waxed or cancer screening? Easy. If ever being self-indulgent is priority it is when your health is at stake. Even if it feels “selfish”, only you can make yourself #1. And that’s just what you have to do. So if you’re a “yes” person and want to shelter the homeless, feed the hungry and rescue strays, all of that will wait until you take care of you and get the health screening you need to stick around awhile.

You can’t take care of anyone if you don’t take care of yourself and you can’t take care of yourself if you don’t know what the ‘elf is going on.

Here are some healthcare, education and screening resources for all of us:

New Mexico’s Own Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program (BCC) at http://www.cancernm.org/ – Provides early, comprehensive cancer screening for New Mexicans without insurance. Other educational and resource services are also available.

Planned Parenthood are heros in the community providing affordable healthcare screening for everything from anemia testing, cholesterol screening, diabetes testing and overall health and education – http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

Health Action New Mexico – At work for “accessible, affordable, and accountable health care for all people living in New Mexico.” –
http://www.HealthActionNM.org/resources.php

And here’s Harry Smith making television history with colon cancer prevention/treatment crusader Katie Couric:


Watch CBS News Videos Online

Be well…

PSD: Singles Edition

Posted by on October 16, 2009 | 2 comments

Diamond
Originally posted 12/16/08

Dear Boys,

Tis the season (it comes earlier every year)…from Christmas, to New Year’s Eve straight through to Valentine’s Day she may be anxiously awaiting “The Ring”. Those are the top three dates when she will be anticipating the possibility of “The Ring”.

You are also treading the waters of expectation around your anniversary and her birthday – No matter if she says she’s not that kind of girl, she swears she doesn’t need it or want it, EVEN if you’ve agreed on not going in that direction anytime soon…

I personally guarantee from approx. 3 months into the relationship on – it crosses at least a teeny-tiny portion of her mind now and then AND “The Ring” industry knows this. Notice the amped up ads, they will keep churning out from the aforementioned time through at least Valentine’s day. Good luck.

Helpful hints:
1. A ring is always a nice gift – you don’t have to propose à la ABC’s Bachelor.
2. There is a Recession going on right now, so you can lean on that to conserve on rock size.
3. Just rent ‘Blood Diamond

Obtuse Is the New Charming

All my Single Ladies,

We’ve all known, do know or will know a charming guy. Most apt to seek out and be wounded by a charming guy are those of us fathered by one.

Their prowess in “charm” has likely been honed over many years and many women. Sure they know the coolest places to go and can be fun at parties – but believe me, charm a solid partner does not make.

So remember the next time a “charmer” sidles up to you at Yanni’s you’re better off running across the street to Astro-Zombies to find yourself a good man.

Lesson Learned – Charming means, “I’m cheating on you.”

More

Ummmmmmmm, hello – Reality calling, Action PLEASE pick-up! American media is flooded with adverts. and controversy about Plan B, Yaz, Essure, Gardasil, Ortho Evra, Norplant, etc., etc. that can lead to a whole host of adverse side effects and serious medical complications for women.

With all the good and some of the bad that comes along with these options, fact is so much of the responsibility, hardship and blame for the spoils of America’s recklessness towards sexuality falls squarely onto women.

We see women targeted and speaking about abstinence, protection and health. Where the heck are the American dumb-stick ads? Men have Maxim, Axe, and now *cough*bullcrap* Pfizer steps-up to bat with free GD Viagra.

This issue is an overflowing diaper full of crap that ~everyone is ignoring – It’s only gonna stank worse and worse as time goes by. The above ad is out of freaking Zimbobwei or something – that’ll be the day when a male, “take responsibility for your own junk” ad hits the airwaves here in the states of growing un-civilization. God forbid we talk about man parts unless it’s about making them happy.

Obama Planned Parenthood
Planned Parenthood works diligently for the healthcare of men and women!

PSD: Public Service Duh, How About Plan ‘A’

Posted by on May 15, 2009 | 6 comments

Ummmmmmmm, hello – Reality calling, Action PLEASE pick-up! American media is flooded with adverts. and controversy about Plan B, Yaz, Essure, Gardasil, Ortho Evra, Norplant, etc., etc. that can lead to a whole host of adverse side effects and serious medical complications for women.

With all the good and some of the bad that comes along with these options, fact is so much of the responsibility, hardship and blame for the spoils of America’s recklessness towards sexuality falls squarely onto women.

We see women targeted and speaking about abstinence, protection and health. Where the heck are the American dumb-stick ads? Men have Maxim, Axe, and now *cough*bullcrap* Pfizer steps-up to bat with free GD Viagra.

This issue is an overflowing diaper full of crap that ~everyone is ignoring – It’s only gonna stank worse and worse as time goes by. The above ad is out of freaking Zimbobwei or something – that’ll be the day when a male, “take responsibility for your own junk” ad hits the airwaves here in the states of growing un-civilization. God forbid we talk about man parts unless it’s about making them happy.

Obama Planned Parenthood
Planned Parenthood works diligently for the healthcare of men and women!

PSD – Public Service Duh

Posted by on December 12, 2008 | Comments Off

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Bad economy, boredom, hopelessness et al may lead to increased unplanned pregnancy rates. Some reports indicate poverty renders girls/women 4 times more likely to get pregnant.
Nationwide educational and health services available at Planned Parenthood for one. Find help for yourself and those around you.
Lesson Learned – Queen-up your own castle, no one else is gonna do it for you.

Causes

Posted by on December 11, 2008 | 6 comments

The State of Our Nation/The State of Our Children

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Do four children die at the hands of abuse or neglect in the United States every day?  Those were the findings in a 2006 report issued by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

2010 UPDATE: “The number and rate of fatalities have been increasing during the past 5 years.” – U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Child Welfare Division

Reporting Abuse

If the friends, neighbors, family, or other associations know, see or suspect mental illness, rage, hostility, indifference, resentment – a child may be in danger, susceptible to abuse, neglect, exploitation or murder.
Children are completely helpless and most often suffer abuse and death at the hands of the very people in charge of their welfare. As a culture we must put a spotlight on these harsh realities and make it known to perpetrators of abuse, our government and to the children whose very lives may depend on our involvement.

Make the pledge to Always Protect Every Child

If you suspect child abuse or neglect call the state Children Youth & Families NEW reporting hotline:

1-855-333-SAFE (7233)

or

#SAFE from cell phones

Links:

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

Child Help.org

Help Guide.org

Medscape Report

Child Help Statistics

Planned Parenthood – contraceptives/sexual education/health screenings

Gift of Healthcare Elicits Shortsightedness

Posted by on December 10, 2008 | Comments Off

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Image via ABC News
Indiana chapters of Planned Parenthood are offering gift certificates for healthcare services at their clinics. Similar programs are or likely to become available in Illinois, New York, Alaska, and Michigan. Surely among it’s critics will be the Wolverine in Business Barbie clothing known as the governess of Alaska – who opposes sex-ed in her state.
Outraged groups ignore health service and education benefits citing ‘lethal’ treatment possibilities. Planned Parenthood president and CEO, Betty Cockrum asserts basic healthcare such as annual exams, including cancer screenings and contraception, are often put off in tough economic times such as these.
An ABC News.com commenter says, “Wal-Mart gift cards can be used to buy alcohol and ammunition … but nobody is outraged.” – Nuff said?
sources

Repost: Have You Reserved an Egg Today?

Posted by on May 5, 2011 | One comment

It looks like the national crusade for abstinence has a new face on the same old, young spokesperson. “Teen advocate” Bristol Palin showed off her new Kardash-like locks, framing a very different looking mug today on Good Morning America.

The abstinence preacher appears to have been Gretta Van Susterened – but unlike the adult news anchor who drew the YOWZAS from her audience and beyond when she got all life-style lift like, Palin may now also be seen as an advocate for major and pricey cosmetic makeovers if not full facial reconstruction for those just out of their teens.

Glass Soapbox: Protect and Reserve

Originally Posted on November 8, 2010

Preserve an egg, reserve an egg…the precious human ova (above) – Unfertilized, unharmed, unailed.

Females are born with their ovaries and all of the approximately 2 million “eggs” they will ever have, which formed in the second trimester of fetal development.

And as I’ve regaled you with before, the highest U.S. birth rates are recorded in July and August translating to most impregnations occurring in and around November.

That is why today’s been officially designated (in my mind) as “Preserve an Egg Day”, it is this day in “Zip Your Pants and Close Your Legs” (ZPCL) MONTH that I invite you to talk with girls and women in your life to remind them of just how precious every one of their millions of ova really are.

With us since before our own birth and with us til death when brought forth as to become another human being. It’s your body, it’s your call – reserve that egg or step-up in a big, big way. You seminal carriers are invited and celebrated over these holidays too!

Please refrain from unleashing your insemination if you can’t make what springs forth as a result the center of your universe and/or if your ovarian target isn’t already the most important person in your life.

Lastly, you know those horrific news reports of what goes on in this world? From the disgruntling to the completely disturbing? Spare everyone some of that by preserving an egg today!

Related: World Peace, World Day Day, Seminal Carriers, Causes, Health

Holy Random Hookup B̶a̶t̶Wolfman!

Posted by on April 11, 2011 | Comments Off

UPDATE 8/22/11: Baby girl Del Toro-Stweart has arrived. Kimberly Stewart has given birth to her first child with actor Benicio Del Toro, a daughter weighing in at 8lbs and 9oz. Congratulations!

The Mexican Puerto Rican Brad Pitt and the female Rod Stewart have become one.

Thanks to the good folks at Morphthang‘ dot com we can all get a sneak-peek at the merged genes of the pre and post pubescent offspring of the offspring of the man who we all kissed in the fold out, album cover of Blondes Have More Fun (no, just me?), and the sexiest, most surly leading man since Yul Brynner.

Aww, what a cutie. Coyotes are adorbs! Annnnnnd now let the selfritous words of (R) Huckabee follow…

P.S. Click for our own glass soapbox if, and in case you’re not a trust-fund baby or bankable star…

Glass Soapbox: Protect and Reserve

Posted by on November 8, 2010 | 2 comments

Preserve an egg, reserve an egg…the precious human ova (above) – Unfertilized, unharmed, unailed.

Females are born with their ovaries and all of their approximately 2 million “eggs”, which formed in the second trimester of fetal development.

And as I’ve regaled you with before, the highest U.S. birth rates are recorded in July and August translating to most impregnations occurring in and around November.

That is why today’s been officially designated (in my mind) as “Preserve an Egg Day”, it is this day in “Zip Your Pants and Close Your Legs” (ZPCL) MONTH that I invite you to talk with girls and women in your life to remind them of just how precious every one of their millions of ova really are.

With us since before our own birth and with us til death when brought forth as to become another human being. It’s your body, it’s your call – reserve that egg or step-up in a big, big way. You seminal carriers are invited and celebrated over these holidays too!

Please refrain from unleashing your insemination if you can’t make what springs forth as a result the center of your universe and/or if your ovarian target isn’t already the most important person in your life.

Lastly, you know those horrific news reports of what goes on in this world? From the disgruntling to the completely disturbing? Spare everyone some of that by preserving an egg today!

Related: World Peace, World Day Day, Seminal Carriers, Causes, Health

Tea is the new Kool-Aid

Posted by on September 25, 2010 | One comment

From sea to shinning sea – not so much. More like from G.O.P. to OPP.
You’ll pick my religion, my life partner and reign over my body?!?!?

“No big Government”, EXCEPT for no separation of church and state, no gender or orientation equality, and no choice!

Whatever your label, don’t scream “No big Government” with one face and force your religion, orientation and hypocrisies on my body, heart and soul out the other!

If the money you’re incensed over is stamped “in MY God only we trust”, you don’t agree that we’re free to love he or she, and you want to regulate the very body that is me, then I cannot drink your tea, join your GOP or ignore your OPP.

Tea for two in New Mexico? No.

Not for equality
Not for public education
Not for NM Film
Not for renewable energy and technology
Not for me…

Related

#NM Who’s the Daddy?!?!

Posted by on May 31, 2010 | 3 comments

Open Call if and in case you have had the lapse of recollection (and all morals and self-respect) over the roughly 4 week window that would lead you to ask yourself the question, “who’s the daddy?”

If you or someone you know fit this criteria and are indeed a candidate to be the spokes model for ©Sindication’s Own campaign of “BIRTHCONTROL 1 of 3 of the components to achieve WORLD PEACE”, you may submit to be rewarded with, “Airfare, dining [and] accommodations…[and] a daily stipend”, to appear in a nationally televised show.

Simply, “submit name, email or telephone number and a little information about why you would be the perfect guest for the show. Please include a photograph or [sic] yourself and your child/children and the potential father if possible”, by June 2, 2010.

“The most outrageous and entertaining candidates will be invited to the final screening on Saturday the 5th.” And this is a contender for the most painful post ever written by your Sindicator [sads].

full/sad deets here

Global/Local v. Loco

Posted by on July 22, 2009 | One comment

Global Local
KOAT School Supply Drive/Unicef v. Starbucks

Global – As seen on GMA today, former first daughter Jenna Bush Hager steps back into her humanitarian shoes promoting the UNICEF initiative “Project Sprinkles“. For less than the price of your daily crack-attack at Starbucks ($3.50) UNICEF can provide a child with 100% their daily allowance of vitamins, critical for healthy physical and mental development, for one year.

Local – KOAT 7 has launched their 9th annual school supply drive. Basic supplies are in high demand for area school children. KOAT and Albuquerque Public Schools are accepting donations at local Smith’s Grocery Stores, Ashley Furniture Homestore, New Mexico Educators Federal Credit Unions or at the station July 20 – August 16. Monetary donations are also welcome at New Mexico Educators Federal Credit Unions locations.

Unicef/KOAT School Supply Drive

Lastly, help control the human population by supporting physical health and education.

Pee Sticks On the Cheap

Posted by on June 18, 2009 | Comments Off

Pee Sticks

I love the frantic run to the drug store scene in Knocked Up – Funny, but a frugal mind can’t be fully hazed by the hilarity when they were shoving $7 – $25 pregnancy tests into their baskets.

Pee Sticks measure levels of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG) to detect pregnancy, and it doesn’t take a digital read out to give you the ol’ yes or no. Especially if you’re trying or just neurotic and require multiple tests before you get your physicians absolute confirmation. National chain store Dollar Tree specifically sells a quite sensitive pee stick that may measure even the smallest amount of hCG as early as ~5 weeks in.

Please procreate responsibly. Condoms are readily available for free or pennies on the dollar – and I’m sure Sarah Palin’s eldest daughter Bristol-Myers-Squibb would tell you that abstinence is the surest way to avoid being a single mom or a broke absentee dad.

Happy Jan. 30th – WOW

Posted by on January 30, 2009 | Comments Off

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Every baby should be WORSHIPED – NOT mass-produced. The “joyous” arrival of octuplets is taking a dramatic turn toward the “uncool“.

According to momlogic – the least logical thing is going on at Kaiser-sPermanente.

Including (but, not limited to):

  • The O’ Family is already full o’ six kids
  • All six plus the new eight are to a single mom via sperm donor
  • O’ Family Bankrupt – CBS

YOW-to-the-ZA’

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