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Category: Glass Soapbox

Happy Game Day: Unsolicited Relationship Advice Edition

Posted by on February 3, 2013 | One comment

Valentine

GAME OF FOOLS – ARMCHAIR QUARTERBACK SAYS:

What do you bring to the table? Do you come to the table for sustenance or to battle?

You can either bring what you have to give freely or else you’re just playing checkers (or chess, I don’t actually know how to play checkers, but I do play chess badly, and I know it is a very adversarial game – wherein you are out for yourself, playing against your opponent, strategizing to defend your armory and take out the other side’s, to accomplish a very personal and singular victory).

Conversely in a true partnership, you bring what you have, not only to sustain yourself, but moreover what you have in abundance for the benefit of another. All the while maintaining the balance of preserving and nurturing your own needs, for the more you make of yourself the more you’ll bring and have to give to the partnership.

You’ll have to ask yourself what you truly need, whether those needs are absolute and finite requirements (also flippantly known as “deal breakers”). For example in most cases, fidelity is an absolute requirement and less often adhered to as a “deal breaker”. That is just one obvious example of something one might absolutely “require” out of a partnership.

Of course there is an endless minutia of varying needs between partners, and at various points throughout our partnerships, our needs change and our partners needs change. I’ve learned quite concretely that if both partners don’t acknowledge that and tend to it, a partnership quickly devolves into the aforementioned adversarial battle, instead of a firm base from which two people can grow and thrive.

Ask yourself, “Does my partner adhere to my must-haves (fidelity)? Do I?” Are you appreciative of that to one another? Do you demonstrate that appreciation? How? Then look at your “nice to haves”. What is it that would be, or is a bonus to your concrete needs? Those are usually the mutual and private courtesies you lend each other, quirks that are met, understood and maybe even nurtured. Your contributions to that may be in the recognition and care of those traits in your partner, but it can also be the recognition and care of those traits for yourself.

Personally, I know that there are always up times and down times, usually based around purely emotional needs, for whatever external or internal reasons that need to be addressed. I may be at an insecure place where I need pretty constant affirmation or reassurance (now that takes on many varying and very personal terms, for everyone – see The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman).

In those varying and often trying times of greater need, in whatever particular issue you or your partner may be dealing with, you don’t have the right to demand that the need be met, nor do you have the obligation to meet it for the other person. HOWEVER – you do have the supreme, absolute (and rarely utilized) power to ask yourself what you can do about it, whether for yourself –or- for the good of the partnership (which are essentially one in the same).

If your particular trial is currently affecting your ability to function, you may need pretty immediate assistance. You can usually recognize this because of either underlying or completely overwhelming frustration. Identify for yourself what is causing YOUR frustration. Identify for yourself what you might need to help you cope with it. Ask yourself what you can do to address your own issues. Do you need your partner’s help? What do you need your partner to do for you? Take some of your workload, leave you alone, talk it through, hold your hand, or provide distraction for you? Only you know the answer as to what you really need.

If you both come to table with an abundance of what makes you great on your own, plus a bounty to lend, you’ll have a true partnership. On the other hand if you want to play games, wage internal and external wars – prepare for a long and fruitless battle.

When you are seated at “the table” together you should both see it as a living and constantly changing landscape. Are you tending to that landscape together, both on your own accord and at the behest of your partner? Are you both being reasonable in your evaluation of what you each have to offer and what you both need?

At the end of every day (sometimes every moment) you’ve got to be accountable for meeting your own needs as best you can before you can blame your partner for not meeting your unreasonable, often unidentified and certainly not well communicated needs. In case of emergency, you’ve first got to place the oxygen mask over your own face to survive and most definitely before you can be of any assistance to anyone else.

Once your oxygen levels are met, and if there are no hard stops or “deal breakers” in this moment of your relationship, the next step, the next moment is again up to you. If you need it ask for it. If you can get it or give it to yourself, do that and save adding an additional task to your already hard working partner – who should be doing the same for themselves so that you can independently breathe easy for as long as possible, so that in those moments of true crisis or need between you, you’re both rested and ready to work to support each other through whatever may come, as those heightened needs arise.

In summation, I’d advise anyone, at even a momentary crossroads in their relationship (usually self induced and not nearly as critical as you are likely making it out to be #guilty), to remember one thing and then to do another; number one is unfortunately a Dr. Philism, and that is, the only person you can control is you. #truth

Second is the coolest exercise I ever read in any book or magazine (this one happened to come from O Magazine) and it goes like this:

Fill in the blank – To feel ____________________________, I need my partner to ____________________________.

Turn the page – Now cross out “I need my partner to”, and just feel that.

GENIUS!

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No Rest for the Wicked(ness)

Posted by on December 21, 2011 | Comments Off

(505) 277-3013

It just so happens that these holly days and times of merriment are the most difficult for many.

You might have the notion that no one can or cares to understand what you’re going through. You may think that you can’t make a difference in someone else’s life. But two often underused pieces of very powerful information are these:

One, you are never alone and two, just a word or the smallest gesture can mean everything in changing or saving a life today. A tremendous resource for New Mexicans in need of emotional support and resource guidance is Agora Crisis Center.

Agora is a place that anyone can call when they have something to say. You don’t have to be in crisis…you can call to talk about good things, bad things, stress, anger, loneliness, or just to vent!

In case you or someone you know is having problems or difficulties including Domestic Violence, Homelessness, Sexual Assault, Suicide, Grief, Mental Health, Women’s Issues, GLBT or is in need of Support Groups, Senior Citizen Resources, and other assistance please check the updated Agora resource page here now.

Agora Help line, 9 a.m. – Midnight 365 days a year (505) 277-3013

Crisis Chat online is usually available 10 p.m. – 10 a.m. (MST)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

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Creole Ranger Away – Bruckheimer Talks Taking Tonto to Louisiana

Posted by on October 19, 2011 | One comment

You can take the Native American out of Tonto, but can you take the West out of this western?

The Lone Ranger project has been all but laid to rest once already, to that end producers are now addressing ongoing budgetary concerns. Specifically, Jerry Bruckheimer deconstructs the approximate $10M price slash for The Hollywood Reporter, including the back-and-forth possibility of breaking-up the NM portion of the shoot, hauling it out of the West and into Louisiana where incentives are higher.

“We redid the production plan. We originally laid it out to avoid winter. Every single location we had, there was winter — 30s at night, 50s during the day, best-case scenario. We were jumping around. California, New Mexico, Arizona, Utah. If we had a big crowd scene and then the next day we were shooting just Tonto and the Lone Ranger, we still had the crew “on” because you have them weekly. So we bunched the sequences that were big together, and for the smaller scenes [we] laid off the extras, the effects people, the makeup people. It costs an enormous amount with 150 extras on the set. It’s not the extras, it’s the people that support the extras. You’re still carrying all the wardrobe, makeup and hair people. We bunched together scenes with Tonto and the Lone Ranger, so we had a much smaller crew. We saved about $10 million just by doing that.

Then we looked for the best break in tax incentives. We found that Louisiana gave us a better tax incentive than New Mexico — that was another $8 million. We’re still shooting in New Mexico, and we might [also] go to Louisiana. We’re asking New Mexico to come closer to the Louisiana incentive.

We dropped our California location not because they didn’t offer a tax break but because it was another production office that we had to open. Every time you have a new location, you have to use crew time setting it up for you. There are a lot of expenses.”

Bring it all the way home New Mexico, get a piece of this epic Disney Western with some back-end action or something in exchange for meeting the request…Keep our hotels loaded, tourists coming and our cast & crews employed…and maybe a little global PR to follow, so maybe the rest of the country learns in this century that NM is part of the continental UNITED STATES AND that we have better skiing than AZ.

N. Mex has already lost Quentin Tarantino’s Spaghetti Western Django Unchained starring Leonardo DiCaprio, NM Fave Samuel L. Jackson and Christoph Waltz, which starts shooting this November in NOLA.

Thanks Chris

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DEMI COME BACK!

Posted by on September 30, 2011 | One comment

Split or no split, change works for Demi and Demi WORKS for change. From her self-made superstardom, to her politics, to her word wide humanitarianism, New Mexico’s Own Demi Moore is the queen of re-invention and vitality.

THAT is why as a state focused entertainment and issues organization we tapped local film makers and NM’s Ultimate Party Rock Band to create a plea, nay the “Ultimate Rock Party Postcard” dedicated to New Mexico’s estranged daughter, inviting her to come home.

We set our sights on New Mexico’s most well known, global goodwill ambassador inviting her to COME BACK to her home state where the star could no doubt enact and inspire change that even the most down trodden New Mexican could get behind.

We say, think globally, act locally, and no starker contrast can be made between our struggling state and the star shine of our own NM native Demi Moore.

As we did on her birthday, at Christmastime and again on Valentine’s Day we continue to extend the invite to NM’s favorite star to COME BACK, where we’d all like to see her at work in NM Film, active in NM Politics and flexing her star power in initiating local humanitarianism.

After all, inspire a child, help a mother, feed a family here and enact the change we all would like to see in the whole of the world.

Go New Mexico! Get Demi back!

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Got. Your. Period.

Posted by on August 13, 2011 | Comments Off

 
As with the advent, and subsequent hyper-overuse of emoticons, I was at first resistant to the trend of using a “period” between every word for emphasis. However I now fully embrace the use of these non-verbal intonations.

In fact, I’m a bit of a ;) slut, but it’s only because I have so many amazingly wonderful online contacts who have me wanting to throw winks their way like a saucy southern flight attendant.

So, rock the drama of a period. Between. each. word. But don’t incessantly use the 90s dramatic buzz word “surreal“, the Anistonized “uncool” or hurl the most played-out, contemporary comfort phrase of our time, “no worries“, at me. Ever.

Your OMGs, LOLs, and esp. your LMFAOs are always welcome! xo

And p.s. I ain’t no English major, but I KNOW a lot of y’all join me in going batty over this one:

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The More You NO!

Posted by on June 19, 2011 | Comments Off

™Don’t “Dad” & drive…if you’re not prepared to make it gr-reat…don’t procreate!

xo

Whore-ific!

Posted by on June 14, 2011 | 5 comments

Annnnnd the crazy train continues…as the bride and groom make bank for their spectacle special occasion…here.

Okay, I half liked this tramp because when she and her over-glorified, self indulgent, fame-seeking family hit the already overly populated reality TV airwaves she scampered away with much of the obscenely mind polluting, morally offensive media spotlight and unearned millions of that other eccentric, useless whore Paris Hilton, plus she’s ~ethnic and her obnoxia seemed more tolerable than even more of the media darling, idiots who are committing felonies and achieving job tally zero…while offering even less to overall social consciousness and much, much less to the humanity of this world…

HOWEVER I think this latest show of f’d-uppery nonsense is the noose around the neck of acceptance for this leader of the pack of infamous morons that pop-culture reveres.

Here are some samples of a list of excess for the ages, from the ~woman who got famous for the broadcast of her backing-up into a D-list rap star, whose earnings came in at over $60M in 2010, upon this the blessed occasion of her being betrothed to a multi-million dollar contracted professional athlete:

* Extra large Baccarat crystal vase, $7,850
* Baccarat crystal jam jar, $380
* Two Baccarat crystal ashtrays, $840 each (Puff puff? Tsk, tsk)
* Black Lalique desk clock, $1,150
* Black Lalique vase tourbillon vase, $6,500
* 18 Hermes Balcon du Guadalquivir black cereal bowls, $155 each
* 18 Hermes Balcon du Guadalquivir platinum presentation plates, $670 each
* 24 Hermes American dinner plates, $225 each
* Six Buccellati butter servers, $520 each
* Four Buccellati torchon salad serving spoons, $880 each
* Two Buccellati torchon sterling silver vegetable spoons, $1,250 each
* Five sets of four L’Objet gold napkin rings with crystal, $150 each
* Christopfle 1925 coffee pot, $1,650 (creamer and sugar bowl an addition $1,710)
* Baccarat Harmonie pitcher, $925- Baccarat round whiskey decanter, $680
via msnbc

The total for this gift registry, from the first of SEVERAL retailers at which the couple is expected to register, comes in at just over $172,000.

Well, when your sense of reality is skewed from the point of infamy I’m sure this display on top of flaunting a $2M engagement rink is no bother while concepts such as appropriateness, talent, and civics are as foreign to us as whole as an honest politician.

With that, I’ll leave you with this – a true quote of/for these times, and I’ll add a, “REESE for President!” ;)

“I get it, girls, that it’s cool to be a bad girl. But it is possible to make it in Hollywood without doing a reality show. When I came up in this business, if you made a sex tape, you were embarrassed and you hid it under your bed. And if you took naked pictures of yourself on your cell phone, you hide your face, people! Hide your face!” – Reese Witherspoon

Thoughts?

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Repost: Have You Reserved an Egg Today?

Posted by on May 5, 2011 | One comment

It looks like the national crusade for abstinence has a new face on the same old, young spokesperson. “Teen advocate” Bristol Palin showed off her new Kardash-like locks, framing a very different looking mug today on Good Morning America.

The abstinence preacher appears to have been Gretta Van Susterened – but unlike the adult news anchor who drew the YOWZAS from her audience and beyond when she got all life-style lift like, Palin may now also be seen as an advocate for major and pricey cosmetic makeovers if not full facial reconstruction for those just out of their teens.

Glass Soapbox: Protect and Reserve

Originally Posted on November 8, 2010

Preserve an egg, reserve an egg…the precious human ova (above) – Unfertilized, unharmed, unailed.

Females are born with their ovaries and all of the approximately 2 million “eggs” they will ever have, which formed in the second trimester of fetal development.

And as I’ve regaled you with before, the highest U.S. birth rates are recorded in July and August translating to most impregnations occurring in and around November.

That is why today’s been officially designated (in my mind) as “Preserve an Egg Day”, it is this day in “Zip Your Pants and Close Your Legs” (ZPCL) MONTH that I invite you to talk with girls and women in your life to remind them of just how precious every one of their millions of ova really are.

With us since before our own birth and with us til death when brought forth as to become another human being. It’s your body, it’s your call – reserve that egg or step-up in a big, big way. You seminal carriers are invited and celebrated over these holidays too!

Please refrain from unleashing your insemination if you can’t make what springs forth as a result the center of your universe and/or if your ovarian target isn’t already the most important person in your life.

Lastly, you know those horrific news reports of what goes on in this world? From the disgruntling to the completely disturbing? Spare everyone some of that by preserving an egg today!

Related: World Peace, World Day Day, Seminal Carriers, Causes, Health

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Immortal Imaging

Posted by on April 25, 2011 | One comment


Painting by Gabriel Ballantine

Now that’s Entertainment – our friend, NM actor Jackamoe Buzzell is as passionate about life as he is about art! Here he is in character at Vernon’s Jazz Club next to his likeness, artfully captured by Gabriel Ballantine.

Most of the friends we’ve been fortunate enough to make while covering local entertainment are simply inspirational in their voracious quest to perform and present their craft!

If you’ve got the yen to be a thespian, have the creative drive and passion for action that you just have to share GET INTO IT!

Many people write to me and ask where & how to get started on being cast in a feature film or television show…

Now I may not be able to cast you myself, but New Mexico is home to dozens of casting agents and agencies and I’ll tell you what I tell inquiring minds – get listed!

On Location Casting, White Turtle, EG Casting and Sheryl Roberts, to name just a few, have online databases or contacts to get-in with them.

Another thing I like to pass along is this: Be it background, extra, stand-in, or grip. On Stage, Film, TV, Web, or Print DO IT. Because believe you me it’s another world on set, under the lights, anywhere in front of or behind the camera…

New Mexico independent films, and web series’ go a long, long way and the experiences you gain with them are priceless – so if it’s for Meal & Reel or as a set or stage volunteer…find your fit in the industry today!

Keep-up with everything NM Entertainment with me, online all the time here at OneHeadlightInk.com.

Must See Links:
Fans Of Film – Important info. and resources on all things Indie
The New Mexico Film Office – Statewide resource directory and official notices
Blazed Entertainment – Promotions, Events, Artist Development & Booking
Classes & Workshops – Current links to featured programs

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Queens-up Nicely

Posted by on March 19, 2011 | One comment

She nearly had me at sapphire blue dress…but the woman on the verge of becoming Princess Katherine the Great makes an even better show in her request for support and awareness of anti-bullying efforts.

Among the list of organizations that Prince William and his Lady have asked their supporters to benefit in lieu of wedding gifts is Beatbullying – a group that work[s] intensively with those so deeply affected by bullying that they can barely face going to school that next morning.

According to the flurry of media reports surrounding the future Queen – she experienced long-term difficulties, suffering through the throws of pre-teen bullying – talk about IT GETS BETTER! Good show Kate!

And now from one Queen to another…I admired his humble beginnings, loathed his wicked ways and now admire his change.

With the rash of child and young-adult suicides bringing the evils of bullying to the forefront of decent human consciousness many called-out one who was perceived as one of the biggest cyber-bullies of all time – in fact Mario was a long time victim of the aim of the evil that is harassment, name-calling, and outright blind hate.

With that background in tow – the coffee shop success of his snarky multimillion dollar online life began – but with the clarity that comes after tragedy the Queen of online mean turned a new leaf, a kinder, gentler exposé of the gossip we hold so dear (you know you do – admitting it is the first step).

And with that, “Hollywood’s most hated” website was re-monikered to “Hollywood’s most sassy…“, vulgar scribbles turned sillier, and words less hateful more punny. We didn’t hear much about this being publicized, but then why would it get press – hateful gets far more headlines.

Lesson Learned: It gets better when we get better, don’t be a bully Susana!

p.s. NOT EVER to be confused with the C-wordness of my (twin-brother from another mother) my BELOVED M.K. whose prose are PURE POETRY of the ages…

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Glass Soapbox: Protect and Reserve

Posted by on November 8, 2010 | 2 comments

Preserve an egg, reserve an egg…the precious human ova (above) – Unfertilized, unharmed, unailed.

Females are born with their ovaries and all of their approximately 2 million “eggs”, which formed in the second trimester of fetal development.

And as I’ve regaled you with before, the highest U.S. birth rates are recorded in July and August translating to most impregnations occurring in and around November.

That is why today’s been officially designated (in my mind) as “Preserve an Egg Day”, it is this day in “Zip Your Pants and Close Your Legs” (ZPCL) MONTH that I invite you to talk with girls and women in your life to remind them of just how precious every one of their millions of ova really are.

With us since before our own birth and with us til death when brought forth as to become another human being. It’s your body, it’s your call – reserve that egg or step-up in a big, big way. You seminal carriers are invited and celebrated over these holidays too!

Please refrain from unleashing your insemination if you can’t make what springs forth as a result the center of your universe and/or if your ovarian target isn’t already the most important person in your life.

Lastly, you know those horrific news reports of what goes on in this world? From the disgruntling to the completely disturbing? Spare everyone some of that by preserving an egg today!

Related: World Peace, World Day Day, Seminal Carriers, Causes, Health

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Safety Dance

Posted by on October 5, 2010 | 2 comments

Recently we had the misfortune of nearly losing the sweetest, most precious James (SPJ) when he decided to use his head as a skipping stone across the asphalt (sans helmet).

Granted, we can’t encase ourselves in bubble-wrap and simply not ‘do’…even I had to acknowledge that anything can happen at any given time, sure as you sit a plane could fall right out of the sky or a blip in your ticker could just take you out!

HOWEVER, we have a million-billion choices a day and from clicking that seat-belt, to strapping on that helmet to wrapping-it-up, your choices could be the difference between coming out the other end whole or even making it out of the woods at all.

Lastly, from my glass soapbox of a pulpit I have to say one of my favorite motivating thoughts is this, at the very least think of those who cannot yet still try – DO what you can do to stick around please.

and p.s. Never miss a kiss…

(Jackie knows this! Way to wear that seat-belt girl! So glad you’re okay!)

p.p.s. Special thanks to Tyler, the EMT’s, UNM Hospital ER (The traumatic injury ambulance destination of choice ;) ) and the Neuroscience Intensive Care Unit!

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The Noose is Loose

Posted by on September 18, 2010 | Comments Off

KRQE

Local news, and the social net are all abuzz with both outrage and outcries from the Albuquerque community, who seem ready to hang middle school teacher Kathi Hunter for her hefty crop of “medicinal” greens.

In the very same broadcast after the breaking news of Hunter’s arrest, condemnation, banishment, etc., etc., one of the next stories straight off the teleprompter was some fluff liner about the (and I quote), “antics” of “actress” Lindsay Lohan (tra, la, la, la, la, ha, ha antics, tee, hee, hee).

So kiddies, feel free to watch mediawhores at their finest like Parasite Hilton (allegedly) smuggle coca in her cocha across international borders; Coca Lohan drive drunk, fail court ordered drug treatment/testing, etc., etc., and Kardashian Family post porn gazillion dollar payoffs.

Official ©Sindicated Statement: It’s illegal, it was wrong. (butsoisdrivingandtalkingonyourgoddamncellphone)

“And also too” – Sheri Shepard
We have violent crime parolees, double digit DWI offenders, child molesters, hard core narcotics dealers, corrupt public officials and cracked out chitlins addicted to the surplus of your Nana’s Rx cabinet walking our streets but throw away the key on this memaw looking pot head.

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