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Category: Mansperts

The GOLD Standard – Standards

Posted by on November 29, 2011 | Comments Off

In our never ending quest for intelligent life (to learn from), an admired associate who was tapped to review our newest feature, “Mansperts” has provided the following point of view on RELATIONSHIPS…

From the far recesses of what was thought to be either extinct or all-out myth comes the perspective of a Single Male who ain’t out “humping around” for humpin’s sake.

Presented without comment (except for that of our top secret “celebrity” contributors) is the POV of homegrown rock-star hottie, Zach Fowler – who manages to not succumb to the rue of the modern world, aka fly by night, seat-of-your-pants, stupid questionable decisions.

Feel free to comment here, and furthermore commence cyber-stalking and groupie-ing this local talent…but as you (should) be able to surmise from his point of view…you will not be considered eligible to apply without first being able to spell and define – surmise…

I haven’t had anything even remotely resembling a girlfriend or a relationship of any kind since…

…well…since…

…well…never.

From the outside looking in, I can honestly say that the reason relationships fail is because of a lack of understanding. That lack of understanding falls under the fault of both parties…the man, and the woman. Men want freedom to do what they have to do (and want to do) in order to provide for his significant other while at the same time, providing for himself. Women, on the other hand, want to be noticed for all the right reasons, and the man sometimes doesn’t have anything to do with that…but then again, sometimes he has everything to do with that.

There has to be space, but in order for a relationship to succeed, each party should have an understanding of how far (or how near) that space is. From the perspective of single man who has never been in a relationship who is also professional musician who tours the country 100 dates out of the year, I have all the space I would ever need…in fact, I have so much space that I almost feel isolated. However, there are men out there with so much going on with their significant other(s), they would give their left nut (literally) for my kind of isolation.

What I can also say from the outside looking in is that FAR too many people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. Women feel “legitimate” because they have an arm to cling to, and men have their “trophy wife” or “trophy girlfriend.” All too often, either sex can just be “looking for somebody,” not know that the “somebody” they’ve found is nothing more than a face to associate with their own existence. They have sex, but never make love. They hook up, but keep their options open to other hooks. One-night stands, “friends with benefits,” “shorty on the side,” etc…. The more I see this, the more I realize just how secure I am in what I want…and the fact that what I want (a lover, a friend, a “keeper”) may not exist in this modern society of casual dating, and even more casual sex…and that may be the very reason why women find me so unapproachable.

There are, of course, MANY benefits to being single as long as I have (I have “officially” been single since freshman year of high school…just over 15 years). I know a lot about what NOT to do, and that could serve to be even better experience than someone who hasn’t gone a day without having a “relationship” of some sort. What I can tell you is this: Man, by nature, was never designed to be alone…however, man was also designed to crave solidarity and, in some cases, isolation. I am all for “testing boundaries,” but not when it comes to something that has the potential to bring psychological harm to something that should inherently be fun, inspiring, and good.

My two cents, which probably should only count for one cent based on extreme lack of experience…but like I said, you learn a lot by being on the outside for so long.

First of all, I refer you to the movie “Little Miss Sunshine”. Cue disc to the scene where Alan Arkin is talking to his grandson while they’re in the car on the big roadtrip. Take his advice to the grandson early and often. I can even make a biblical reference if you’d like: “Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth…” Eclesiastes 11:9.

Here’s the deal: I find myself best served with the opposite sex when I take each “hurdle” on a case-by-case basis. To try and tackle the whole enchilada on the issue of man and woman at once is a lot like Don Quixote charging the proverbial windmill. Sometimes, my wife is absolutely 100% cool with me “doing my thing”. In certain times, she absolutely is not. It’s my duty as her partner to figure out when those times are. Admittedly, we men are not so great at discerning one from the other. But, we get better as time goes by.

Look, I can tell you with no reservations whatsoever that the old saying about “when you least expect it, expect it” is true. The “keeper” will come along at absolutely the worst time for it to happen in your life. But, you’d better pull your head out long enough to realize she’s The Keeper. If you let that opportunity pass, you’ll live to regret it. I’m in a relationship (in this case, marriage) mainly because not only do I love her, but she covers my ass on the things I suck at. We’re polar opposites, but that actually WORKS. That, my friend, is what you need to consider. We get into relationships for the wrong reasons all the time. The reason I just stated is the best one I can think of for having one.

That being said, do not squander one second of your single time, no matter how long it lasts. Hear me on this one. Before long, you’ll meet The Keeper and all the things you think you’re missing by not being in a relationship will look stupid to you lot of times once you’re on the other side. Dating sucks, but there’s SO MANY awesome chicks out there you should think of it as a buffet. GO NUTS DUDE. And, on the subject of giving up a left nut, try to hold on to it. You’ll need it later. – “Cromagnon Man”

Relationships are a wonderful analogy to quantum mechanics. In a nutshell, quantum theory is the way science views the behavior of the smallest of particles. As it is, these singular constituents of matter and force are entirely unpredictable. Believe it or not, science has grown comfortable with this!?! You see, it all comes down to statistics…much of what we know about this minute world relies on probability. Examine the behavior of enough of these particles, and only then can a semblance of understanding be reached.

Without a doubt, our single friend is a well studied, intelligent and wise man. He knows exactly what he wants in a relationship, and at the same time he knows that under current circumstances he will never attain them. Undeservedly, he also diminishes his intellectual currency with over analysis of his current situation. Like a classical physicist, he attempts to make sense of a chaotic and unpredictable world within a detached mindset.

There are an infinite number of variables in relationships…even more than there are stars in the sky. Just when you think you have it all figured out, chance throws you a curve ball. There is no ultimate security in any relationship…romantic, familial, or collegial…to think that there ever could be is sure folly. It reminds me of the high school male who prepares every jab, hook, and body blow of a fight only to be knocked out by the first punch. There comes a time in everyone’s life where we must brave uncertainty and roll(the dice) with the punches. – “Iso”

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Mansperts: Got Girlfriends?

Posted by on November 14, 2011 | 3 comments

In this first installment of “Mansperts“, two sides of the “evolutionary scale” each provide answers and enlightenment on a select topic submitted to them at mansperts@oneheadlightink.com.

Our guest writers, one self described “Cromagnon” and the other a generally accepted “Robot”, tackle your age old and brand new most confounding quandaries about man and womankind…

Today get your dish on “girls without girlfriends” from men without boundaries.

Ah yes, the ol’ “my chick doesn’t get along with other chicks” quandary. The first thing that pops to mind when I’m confronted with this type of situation is this: DRAMA. The worst part of it for us guys is the fact that we’ll never have a normal relationship with said female’s significant other ever again. What if I actually enjoy hanging out and doing things with the girl you don’t like’s man? Now, I’m screwed if I want to play poker with the guys, or go to a barbecue that involves the whole group of friends, go bowling with the group, go hear a band and have drinks with the group, etc.,…and just because YOU refuse to get along with so-and-so’s wife (or wives). I understand that this is a common thread with a lot of women. Girls generally don’t like other girls. Is it because you think us guys are checking out the other girls? We married YOU. We chose YOU. We’re good with the decision usually. Let it go for God’s sakes.

Another problem with this “girls who don’t like other girls” conundrum: now, as your guy, we become your entertainment chairperson. It’s up to us to keep you occupied and engaged when it’s the off hours. That’s a HUGE order most of the time. Give us a break. We actually want you to have other friends, we want you to go out and have “girls nights”. We want you to have things to do with other people besides us. Not always, but a third of the time would be a bonus. I, personally, don’t even care if you have guy friends. If you’re going to end up cheating on me with that guy, then BONUS….I get a freebie too and you can’t hold it against me either. You and I both know neither of us wants a divorce in this economy. Relax already. Put the claws away when other women appear. Guys don’t roll like that, and if they do, they resolve the problem right then and there. No fuss, no muss. – “Cromagnon Man”

Women are like magnets. To men, they can be the most attractive objects on the planet…or the most repulsive. Rarely neutral, her moods can charge the room with positive energy or negate good vibes in short order. Like many naturally occurring magnetic fields, her polarity is powerful, chaotic, volatile, and can flip on a dime.

Things get really interesting when magnets are brought together. When polarities are aligned, many magnets can be strung together, in a very orderly fashion, to form a powerful collective. In fact, when this orientation is “just right”, the field strength is enhanced with each additional magnet added to the series. But, for all the resonance brought about with these “ideal” orientations, more often than not, magnets have many more counter-productive orientations. Even with a duet, there are far more ways for two magnets to repulse one another than to attract.

Without a proper ground, an electromagnetic field can spend an eternity without ever being noticed. Ladies, ditch your fellow magnets and go out and get yourself a good grounding rod (I know…easier said than done). – “Iso”

Send your questions & quandaries to Cromagnon Man and Iso at mansperts@oneheadlightink.com

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OneHeadlightInk Presents Mansperts:

Posted by on November 8, 2011 | One comment

Ask a Caveman, ask a Robot:

These two extremes of civilization itself are going give you straight talk on everything YOU can think of.

“Expert” advice on your most confounding queries regarding the sexes, exes, and hot topics, coming soon to OneHeadlightInk.com.

Men are from mars and women are from who the hell knows where…we’re all just people right?!?

Well then why the heck can’t we get along, despite being on this spinning rock together for millions and billions of years?

No one really knows, but we’ve tapped two celebrity hot-shots, one from each end of the “evolutionary scale” to provide some valuable info. that no one else is willing to spill.

Get Man-spert answers to exactly what-is-up between the sexes and the crazy ways of this world.

What do you want the dish on? Nagging, sexting, cheating, crying, lying, marrying, money, kids, friends, lovers, jobs, what they’re most often thinking when we ask ‘em what they’re thinking, how they’re able to master thinking so little, anything you want to know from our Man-sperts, go!

Email: mansperts@oneheadlightink.com

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