Originally Posted June 4, 2009
UPDATE 8/14/10: Juliette also has nothing better to talk about, quoted here re: BP just the other day…
Have some dignity ladies…Come on!
The “A-listers” who would’ve been left to fend for Parasite Hilton-like attention if not for their eternal flames for BP are still using them to burn our retinas and harsh on our ear drums with their bids to continually re-gain relevance.
Yes, the trail of ‘crazy’ debris left in the wake of BP reaches far and wide as these two have a world wide stage to play it out on. And now it seems that at least one pitiful-ex is single white female-ing the lone dignity grasping one. The lovely and talented Juliette Lewis is starring alongside Member-her Aniston in The Baster.
As Judge Judith Sheindlin says, “Beauty fades, dumb is forever!” Seriously ladies – get over it! And be careful Juliette…your co-star may have been duped by Goopy to collect some of your skin cells to take back to the lab where Batali is waiting to cook-up some BP snare-bot.
Back when I thought a big screen move would be a good idea for the retiring Rachel Green I figured her best bet would be to star with her then hubs – it seems she’s playing that card now for more than striving to finally achieve successful box office returns.
In this month’s Harper’s Bazarre Jenny Aniston lends her dead eyes to an over budgeted photo shoot a.k.a. her open plea to star in the remake of (brace for the irony) The Way We Were with ex-hubby BP.
Because her application to participate in an upcoming show was rejected by Reality Wanted dot com Jenny’s shoring up her bets on this latest campaign – in the meantime you can join her online by playing this her new favorite game.
While the egg from which you sprung was with your momma since before she was even born, daddy’s DNA made you complete after just 65-74 days germinating in his eh, hmmm body (cloned from an originating/parent cell that remains with papa).
And as we all know any egg and sperm donor with a ~qualified “petri dish” and a “syringe” can make a baby, but it takes real men and women to raise one.
On this Father’s Day we wish you dads a very happy day, we thank those of you who aren’t ready or who are done for zipping or clipping, and most of all we are grateful for ALL the dads who’ve ever stepped-up and/or stepped-in because everybody needs their/a daddy (esp. the baby momma).
What you contribute to the greatness of your children changes the landscape of our world.
World Refugee Day and Father’s Day are one in the same day – Coincidence? I think not. A stupid little blogette, namely ME is going to initiate the first annual zip your pants and close your legs day (ZPCL)!
It will be sometime in November as the highest U.S. birth rates are recorded in July and August translating to most impregnations occurring in and around November (Sarah Palin may wish to celebrate in March when her teenage daughter became pregnant).
Bristol Palin is doing her part to contribute to ZPCL day by introducing an iPhone app. of a baby crying non-stop for 30 seconds.
Philanthropists of the millenium, Bill and Melinda Gates need to take a sit down with me and parooz the preliminary chapters of my forthcoming book entitled, “Why it’s Easier to Make a Baby Than to Buy a Bag of Doritos”. These impassioned dogooders are spending BILLIONS vaccinating the impoverished all over the globe.
I’s here to tell ‘em, that the most powerful vaccine and the most effective of the three components of World Peace is BIRTH CONTROL. This quote from the lovely Melinda grates on every neuron of sensibility.
“a woman I met in Tanzania…walked six hours…she was 20 years old…she had 4 children at home…on the verge of delivering her [ANOTHER] baby…we see it time and time again.” – Melinda Gates
What to the F in H is that!?!?!? I hope Ange-jo would approve of my World Refugee Day sentiments as I too preach that all human rights should be protected and not be forgotten – especially that most basic human right to have control over one’s own body.
Yes, please do not forget those suffering to the extent of how much harder it is to care for two (three, four and FIVE) starving mouths above your own – think of all the earthquake babies, the tsunami babies, hurricane babies, because from all these world catastrophes to right next door (to Russia) it truly remains “Easier to Make a Baby Than to Buy a Bag of Doritos”.
So while ~we fund water, refuge and vaccinations can we please put a think on personal health and sexual education!??!?!?
“You’re my backbone. You’re a blessing. “You’re a piece of my heart. You’re the air I breathe. And you’re the strongest person I know…” -Kobe Bryant
“Making love to Angelina was like making love to a couch.” -Billy Bob Thornton
“Can You Doubt We Were Made for Each Other?” -Lyle Lovett
“I cheated on her with Kim, but it wasn’t cheating to me.” -Sean Combs
“I broke up with my Italian boyfriend and two weeks later he was sent to prison for fraud. I mean, we’ve all been there. Am I right ladies?” -Anne Hathaway
As the sun begins to set on the office of El Mahico (formerly known as The Commerce Secretary of Hearts, a.k.a. The People’s Governor), we’d like to start the new year and a new feature by naming him our mas caliente, numero uno, scorcher on our Scoville’s Scale of Separation.
Governor Richardson easily takes the top spot highlighting the heat of a prominent, public personality who promotes and furthers the entertainment industry in New Mexico.
You cannot get hotter than being a New Mexican, living in New Mexico, holding its top public office and driving the entertainment industry train lo these many years.
Below is a chart for your reference where you can see that on the Scoville Scale of Heat the mighty Bhut Jolokia chile ranks just under U.S. Law Enforcement Grade Pepper Spray – that’s our Mahico.
The mighty-movie-star BP would reach his Scoville ranking via the following equation:
Brad Pitt + Goerge Clooney = Ocean’s 11-13 + George Clooney = Men Who Stare at Goats = New Mexico
Brad achieves 3 Scoville’s of Separation to Nuevo México – and we will strive to show you that nary will the “human web” take you further than 6 Scoville’s from NM.
The Sun reports on the trend poking British pocketbooks starting at the top with wigs ranging from £93 – £499 ($130 – $699). The piece goes on to detail the prices and the places for acquiring the paint, shellac and apliques to achieve the Gag-a.
Here is a list of 10 ways to better spin your dime or your Euro:
